Wednesday, November 23, 2005

the long goodbye

It's funny how I never think of the fact that the times that I spent with my friends would come to an end. Maybe I refused to think about it before, I dunno. We see and spend time with each other every single day, that I never go to sleep at the end of each day thinking that "Wow.. That was so fun. I wish we could do that again. Now that it's over, life is back to square one.".. Cause I know when tomorrow comes, one of us will come up with an even better suggestion to spend time together. Cause I guess maybe I took everything for granted, knowing that we could do it everyday.

Thousand things are running through my mind right now...

thinking of the good memories....

the not-so-happy ones...

but most of all..

I'm thinking of...

the day I left IMU.

Sheena drove to KLIA that day, Monday 21st Nov, with Vasan up front with her. At the back, Michelle was seated in between Jeremy and I. As we drove away from IMU, none of us spoke. I rested my head on Mich's shoulder, looking at the gloomy skies outside, listening to the radio. I was trying to think of other stuf to keep myself distracted, to stop me thinking about the fact that I'm leaving them. The more I tried not to think of it, the more I failed. When the song You're Beautiful by James Blunt came up on air, I started to cry silently. The moment Mich saw my face when I reached back to grab a tissue, she couldnt control herself and started crying too. So that was how the journey to KLIA was, silent except for sniffs here and there. Occasionally Vasan or I would say "u crying goose u!". As we got nearer and nearer, I began to hate the sight of the terminal building. I felt a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, watever. There was nothing I could do that could lessen the pain of the whole thing.

Michelle and Jeremy got out with me, with my bag and stuf, while Vas and Sheen went away to park the car. While waiting for the other 2 to come, I was restless, I was walking around when I wasnt hugging Mich and Jer. After a while, Vas and Sheen came, and we headed towards McD to eat, since Sheena as usual, brought up the fact that Bintulu has no McD's. At first, as the 5 of us sat round that table, we didnt talk much as well. After a few bites of the fries and sips of the coke, we started to talk. The usual insults came up again, and before long, we started to become that boisterous group that we are. We were laughing about this and that, everything feels so familiar and normal again. We sat there until, about 1.75hrs later, it was time for me to leave.

I gave them the Christmas gifts that I got them, and also the cards that I made for each and every one of the seniors. Then they passed me the purple scrapbook that they got me. My hands were shaking when I turn the pages, and looked at all the pictures. I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. We took one final photo outside McD's, and then we headed towards the departing lounge.

On the way, I was telling Sheena that the 2 of us should sing one final song together, so we sang Joy To The World. The lounge was getting nearer and nearer, I was having tachycardia. I hugged Sheena first, and I keep telling myself dont cry, and then Vasan, who gave me that familiar hug. Then, I went to Mich. As I held her I couldnt stop myself from crying, I spent time with her the most thruout this year. Finally, I got to Jer, and I continued crying hard in his arms. It was so hard to leave.. I hugged them sumore, and then I really really had to leave. I didnt stop crying until I reach Bintulu, about 3 hrs later. Luckily my hair is long, so my face was partially covered, no one could see me crying, unless I look up, then only they'll see my puffy eyes.

It's been 2 days since then, and I'm still staring into space, thinking of times spent with these four people. When I think, the thoughts still bring tears to my eyes. My phone is constantly full with smsz, and I receive phone calls from them everyday. Sigh.. I miss em..