Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Precious Illusions

Just when you think you could love no more, your heart surprises you by opening itself to other people. One day you find yourself not wanting more than a casual relationship, the next thing you know, wham, you begin caring for the other person. Polite small talks make way for conversations of genuine concerns. You begin to find similar interests, and gradually become comfortable with the person's company, as you are sucked deeper and deeper into the another person's life.
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When M203 left, I felt abandoned. They were my first real friends in IMU after all. Wait, let me rephrase that. I mean, they were among the few who brought the best in me. I never felt judged with them, only loved. They have got to be the weirdest bunch that I know. We did our crazy fun stuff, but at the same time, there were times when we just want to stay at home, relaxing and surprise surprise, praying together.
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When they left, I thought for sure that never will there be people who come as close to them, who will leave those permanent niches for themselves inside. It took me one year, and it was one year too late, to realize that the heart is a hardy, accomodating thing. By the time I realized that I felt a special fondness for the other (remaining) goose tykes too, I was about to leave.
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And following the same trend, at the moment, I find myself sometimes irresistibly drawn to the good people around me. Hmm. It's amazing how much you can feel once you stop wallowing the demise of the past. Take it from me, your resident emo wallower. If there's one thing I dislike about my tertiary education life is the constant change, but I'm learning to embrace it. I'm slowly learning to live in the presence (because Fr Paul Francis encouraged us to, in the first place).
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Despite my detachment from this batch, somehow or rather, I have managed to project that illusion that I am this power woman. Note that I said illusion. I almost fell down my chair when I was told that by an unexpected person last night, during an unpredecented and semi-profound kitchen conversation. (As profound as it gets lar, when you're sitting on a chair facing the kitchen sink. Ooh, but we ate homemade tiramisu. :)) ) Apparently, I was told that if we were in high school, she could see me as that kid who would run for class president, or head the student council. I was flabbergasted (Bun, it's just a fancy schmancy way of saying surprised). Because I felt that it was the furthest thing from the truth. Not that I mind much. Illusions are good.
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3 comments:

MicHieBuN said...

hehehe..u can read my mind...was like wad the heck is that!! kekekee... power woman...

van said...

'illusion' is a word modest people use :p no la, i get what u mean. in the sense that one would rather be realistic enough to not get carried away by praise, but it does make the rocky road of life much the nicer to walk on, cant deny that! yeah i agree yr kitchen sink conversee. not one of those annoying overenthusiastic go-getters, more of a person who gets things done n therefore trusted with the final say. realise that we all turn to u when it comes to decisions on st mungo's! like a mother hen. guess that's why i was surprised u werent joining stuff this year, because that's what i'd imagine u doing (once again, not the indiscriminate joining of things - ppl like that stress me out). but yeah, perfectly understood yr reasons. u're keeping it real :)

MicHieBuN said...

muahahahaha.... u r the mother hen now ;P