Sunday, January 06, 2008

The Time Traveller


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....."What is it? My dear?"
....."Ah, how can we bear it?"
....."Bear what?"
....."This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
....."We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."
....."And everyday we shall have less. And then none."
....."Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
....."No. This is where I have always been coming to. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."
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- A.S. Byatt, Possession
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If there's one thing that strikes me as the new year begins, is the fact that the past few years of my life have constantly been about moving on. I've moved on from my high school hype, I've moved on from my party people in Perth, I've been moving on every semester in IMU as seniors kept on leaving for various partner medical schools, and then I've moved on myself from IMU. And now, soon enough I shall have to move on again.
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Time, never stands still. Life, never ever stands still. They just go on and on, whether you're coping or not. And no one ever told me that. They told me university life is going to be hard, they told me working life is even harder. But they never told me about this. About having to move on. About having to leave behind people that mean so much. About having to re-establish a comfort zone all over again.
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Aye, the world is small. But that doesnt stop people from being apart. I have only half a year left. I will have to pack my stuff and move. Again. I will have to tear down my comfort zone, my current nest. Again. Then I shall have to say goodbye and be miserable. Again.
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I didnt ask to love, but it happened. It's always the littlest things. A nod of the head and how are you today. A serene smile and a good morning, lady. A warm shake of the hands. A call to make sure you're okay. The beckoning of the hands to say come hither Daphne. A cup of tea and a slice of cake. Onion rings and coke. A warm hug that says I've gotcha, buddy, you'll be okay. How can you not love people like that?
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Perhaps my new year resolution could be this: stop making friends. But you and I know that's not gonna work. Instead of feeling a new year stretched out in front of me, I'm feeling restlessness because I know, my time is running out.
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But perhaps, for now, I shall tell myself this. Stop keeping one eye on the past and the other eye on the future. Instead, I shall try to have both eyes on the present. I must learn to live the present. Not wasting time deploring the past or being apprehensive about the future. I am here, and I am now. That's all that matters, no?

2 comments:

Indu Rumah Panjai said...

Anak, the bible says, "in all things, give thanks". Give thanks for the many people who come your way, for those who become your friends, for the capacity of the heart to love anew while treasuring the old, for the enriching experiences that you had gone through and for bringing you closer to what you want to do and whom you want to be.

Dadi and I give thanks to God, always, for you.

LOL, Mom.

Cat Cat said...

The past is past... It's gone, Daphne... We should live for the future.. Wishing you all the best in 2008!