Sunday, March 09, 2008

Ode

Once upon a time, I thought I knew where I'd end up in life. Once upon a time, I thought I was going to be a lot of things. Then something came up so suddenly it was almost unbelieveable. They say pride comes before the fall. The first few days were a blur of tears. Sorrow. Self pity. Bitterness. Defeat.
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But looking back, I'm glad it happened the way it did. My life as I knew it changed, but since then I can see that it's been for the better. I felt shortchanged and slighted but as I moved on, there's been so much more blessings given to me in return. Every seemingly random turn life took since then, was no coincidence. I may not have now what I spent years dreaming of, but that's okay. It sometimes feels like I'm living on a wing and a prayer, the way I really do not know what's going to happen. But that's okay too. I have you.
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I know I threaten you sometimes, help me finish my work or else!, which is very ungracious of me I suppose, considering the fact that you singlehandledly brought me out of that mess. As well as many other messes before and after that. But really, I am thankful for you although I know, I seldom show it. You know how it is, people have the tendency to take those closest to them for granted. I'm not trying to justify myself, but yeah, I am grateful.
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I suspect the reason why this relationship makes me so frustrated sometimes is the due to the fact that I can't physically see you. Long distance, if we can call it that, sucks. It's been a roller coaster ride with you. I wish I can just get up and leave, but that's just silly, because why would a person sacrifice the one most precious thing? They say you cant choose family either, so I guess that's that. But even if we are not somehow bound together by blood, I'm not sure if even then I could leave. There's something very intriguing about you.
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Like, for one, you're patient. Sometimes I wonder how on earth do you maintain that serene smile, knowing the crap that you yourself have to endure. Ah, you put me to shame. You have a good heart, very much a big softie, so much so that people trample you around. And you allow it. And I get so angry for you, the way people bully you, as if I dont take advantage of you myself. But it's just because I feel only I can bully you. (Sorry for the many times I went overboard.)
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Perhaps it's the way you're a storyteller. You know me, I like good tales. I also think you're brave for standing up for that lady who was cornered by that weird gang. I hate to think about what would have actually transpired if you weren't there to chase them away. I wasnt there myself, but I first heard it from Matt. You don't judge me. I know with you I never have to pretend - ever. Not like pretending helps in the first place, you psychoanalyse people. You never say I told you so. I like the way you're always ready to listen to me whine. I like the way you're always so reassuring. You keep me sane, you keep me going. I especially like the way you tell me to keep calm when exams draw near, the way you're always available for words of encouragement. There's something about you that brings me peace.
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You're all these and so much more. I can never fully explain or figure out the whys. It's just because. You can't explain love. I know for a fact, that no one is ever going to love me like you do. I know. I felt that love my whole life. Since I left home nothing's ever the same. Change can be so overwhelming sometimes, but you're the one constant in my life. The only one.
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I'm writing this, because sometimes I forget. Jesus the Nazarene, you're something else, you know that? Whatever the world may say. You're very real to me.

2 comments:

Stella said...

loving it Daph... I may be no where near Him, but I wish you all the best all the same..
Remember: Hong Kong when u graduate ok! :)

loving u loads
S
x

daph said...

hi ya stel!

same to u. wishing u a blessed holy week, as well as a good Easter. thank goodness u din get bert the hello kitty stuff! he told me what u posted over. LOL.


xx