Sunday, May 18, 2008

Almost obsolete

I did my rote Sunday regime of corresponding this morning; by corresponding I mean checking on the various family members' blogs to see what they've been up to. I have had issues with blogging just recently, I realise that technology has largely superseded the normal social interactions. For example, there's lesser of a need to pick up the phone or write an email to ask how one is doing. Ok so that's still technology, so how about this, making an appointment to meet just to catch up. I suppose what's really bugging me is that blogging has somehow removed or at least, alleviated the need for direct communication with each other.
Just the other day while waiting to enter the exam hall, I was painfully aware of how much a recluse I have become in the last year, standing there alone, in a sea of familiar faces. Lonely in a crowd, which I know sounds a tad clichéd, but clichés have to come from somewhere. To the left there's S and N, both in my research group, to the right there's P and L, in my workshop group, to the front there's a massive group of fellow IMU students, and behind there's D, among many, who's certainly not a stranger. Did I talk to any of them? Nope. I know what's going on in their lives somewhat, what's with everyone hopping into the blogging wagon these days, you know up to the minute detail of which top they bought and for what price. What food they ate when they went out, and what funny thing a friend said during dinner. It made me feel connected to others, sure, but at that moment outside the exam hall, I realised the fallacy of my thinking, because I've never felt as disconnected as at that moment, and that's saying something, because after all these years I've come to regard myself as a social butterfly.
Blogging to me, used to be an innocent pastime, an extension to the old pen and paper method when I get lazy to write. While I've somewhat maintained the writing with my heart on my sleeve formula, the way I always do on paper (so sue me, all that feminist brouhaha aside, I'm still a softie underneath, and emo subjects my conversational bread and butter), but knowing that after three years the readership gets bigger, I'm feeling vulnerable and strangely naked. It's asphyxiating, and rather scary when it feels like I'm being put on a pedestal. You know what I'm like by what I write, and I know what you're like by what you write, but at the end of the day, I can't really say I know know you, if you get my gist.
I don't like the feeling. While I know technology's been wonderful to get people connected, we've come a long way from telegrams, I can't help feeling like I'm missing out on the real deal. Y'know, socializing for real, as inconvenient as it is compared to mouseclicking and typing.


van said...

good post, great insight.

yeah i sometimes find myself choking down my entries when i imagine people judging me by my blog the way i judge them :/ sorta brings new dimension to 'pen = mightier than the sword... against yr own neck!!'

anyway how've u been lately? :) i miss u, and dee, and blessedly happy eunice. and fr anthony. gareth i just saw last week

D. Maie said...

i know. the pen is mightier than the sword. but you're right, there are things you should never be ashamed to talk about. it's been like a battle lately, to write or not to write.

anyhoo, how u've been? i'm a bit miserable, because mediocrity, as it turns out, has no chance when pitched against brilliance. meaning to say i'm slighted that i got so low for pharm care assignment. sigh. other than that i'm marching on.

yeh, the three of us been going been alternating sunset and sunday 10am masses. been doing offertory's 3 weeks in a row now, and my cell managed to pierce the silence of the church by ringing, just as i got back to the seat after offertory lagi tu. i didnt get to see fr anthony this week, but fr augustine's sermon was superb, as always.

D. Maie said...

and oh, it's weird not having you around, no more walking in pairs like we used to. ;) walking in threes, we keep on bumping into each other.

di said...

me miss you too, van!

errr and to miss dap: no comments, you told me about this after the exams the other day i think. ;p

don't worry bout'll all be alright in the end!