Tuesday, September 23, 2008

So. Sorry I have been away and have not been replying to comments. Something was inexplicably wrong with my Streamyx, so I've been internet-less, but now, all's good.
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It's been 3 weeks since the help quitted the job, and I took over. I'm so not meant for household management for an extended period of time, contrary to what I initially thought. So as selfish as this may sound, I cannot get wait to get away and be responsible for no one but myself again. Mom and dad don't shoot me. Sure, it's not like I'm doing backbreaking work. While the rest of my yet to be posted batchmates are having fun shopping, clubbing, gym-ing, going out on dates, I've been pressing clothes (I don't like this), doing laundry (I don't like folding clothes), vacuuming and mopping floors (Su May knows how much I hate mopping), cooking lunch, cooking dinner, picking bro up from school, sending him and waiting for him there at the driving school, car engine off under the hot afternoon sun, water the plants, running off to the supermarket for emergency rations, but oh my word, it's so getting old. Sure it's not that hard, but it is rather tiring; and I'll already be asleep by 9 or 10pm.
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It's no wonder I've been extremely pissy. Help me, I'm SO frustrated.
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Sigh.
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I don't have a life. But I do. It's just that it's hard to be grateful for the very fact that I am still alive, still breathing, sheltered, fed and loved when the days that passed by were so dull. I remember what Gareth told me once, and that is to follow what St Teresa, to do little things well. So mid-working, whenever I think of that conversation, I'd feel a little better, straightened my back up a bit, and continue working, showing a bit more enthusiasm. Though that's not to say it helps reduces my longing to do fun young people stuff; getting facials, shopping, going to see films, going for drinks.
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I don't know for how much longer I would have to wait for my posting letter. I've got a feeling I'll be reporting by mid-October or November. It's funny how these things are done so slow considering how we're still acutely lacking in manpower. But until then, I cannot continue being unhappy and uncontented with this inertness. I need to stop being miserable and start finding if not joy, at least a sense of accomplishment and contentment after finishing the day's work. I need to find God in the pots and pans.

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