Wednesday, November 19, 2008

DNR

It's weird how you think you've closed the doors on something, you think you've got It all behind you, you think you've buried It for good.
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Kata kunci: Think
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You thought wrong.
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The regret is still there, like a dull throbbing. I don't like the way it sneaks on me in my dreams, in particular. It's like I'm regressing. In my dreams, time is still, and things are still the way they were years ago. It's like dreaming of a dead person, only in your dreams, you didn't realise that he's dead, until you wake up. Ok. Come to think of it, I do like it when the dreams happen, because it brings me back to home. Comforting arms around me is home. It's hard to let It go when I get these nocturnal visits to a period long gone. They leave me feeling dizzy and confused. Circumstances have changed so much. It has a DNR sign. It's dead, leave it be, do not resuscitate.
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But the thing is, in the tiniest compartment of my heart, I know It is still alive. No matter how small, it's still there. Just because the memory of It is all fuzzy now, it's like looking through an old black and white set, it doesn't mean that It's not real. It was very real once. I cherished It, and I loved It. It was another part of me. For that very reason, despite It being seemingly dead, I can't let It go, just yet.
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You'd think by now I'm okay with this cutting ties business. I thought so. Until I felt these pangs of sadness. But it's okay. You know what they love to quote, you jump, I jump. I see you might have jumped, I'm surprisingly not that ready to leave everything, so I'll follow suit, I'll jump away from It, soon enough.
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Ok, I'm happy. My chest feels lighter now. I needed to say this out.

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