Wednesday, August 26, 2009

White noise

2 comments Posted by Dappy at 11:17 AM


If all else fails, I get comfort in the fact that I can consider homemaking and I shall spend my days in supermarket grocery shopping. Quite an appealing thought.
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I'm kidding.
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2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days until the end of provisional year. Things at work are bleh. I feel bleh. I am currently stationed in Accident & Emergency. By my lonesome. Sending an untrained staff to work in the acute setting is one of the unfathomable moves made by powers that be. I breathe uneasy at work because it's that time of the year when logbooks get handed in for evaluation. Shudder.
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But forget that, for I have a life outside of work.
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My significant other is leaving for LSE in 17 days so we're going into LDR Take Two. I try to take things in stride so I'm surveying air tickets. At least I get to return to the UK for a visit within 2 years of leaving it. :)
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I'm feeling out of sorts lately, and I feel like I need to get back in control of my surroundings. I need to be happy keeping my own company. I need to be less complacent and change the things that I can. Be happy, be happy, be happy. I realise that I'm a runaway. I run away from things. Or I just brace myself through unpleasant experiences with the hope that I'll do better the next time around. I can never get the fact that if I want change, I have to roll my sleeves and get to it NOW, not tomorrow morning, not next week, not next posting.
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A challenge would be living a life of simplicity. I have far too many things. Maybe I need to be less clingy on material possessions, comforts, and worldly values to get inner peace. Maybe then the white noise will fade into nothingness.

 

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Psychiatric Unit

3 comments Posted by Dappy at 9:33 AM

I was at the nurses' counter in Psy (pronounced pee-ess-wai). I looked up and saw a female patient loitering about. Our eyes met. I quickly looked down again at the journal paper I was reading. From the corner of my eye I can see her continue to stare at me. Then she came over with shuffled steps until she was standing right in front of me.
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I looked up.
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"Adakah kamu adik saya A yang menyamar sebagai B?"
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I shook my head.
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"Adakah kamu C yang menyamar sebagai D?"
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I shook my head, again.
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"Adakah kamu menyamar sebagai Muslim?"
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.I shook my head, that's thrice.
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"Ah! Saya tahu. Ataupun adakah kamu klon?"
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I sighed internally, gave up and nodded my head.
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"Okay, terima kasih."

 

Thursday, August 06, 2009

G.L.R

0 comments Posted by Dappy at 1:49 PM

If someone told me that the person I was meeting for the first time that day will be dead in a year and 2 months time, I would have found it hard to believe. I'm finding it hard to believe now in fact.
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We were still in good old Scotland, in James Blyth. It was a day during summer after finals and I was making my way down to the ground floor. Midway down the stairs I heard someone buzzing to be let in the building. I peeked below over the window, and there you were with your other sister. That was the first time I met you.
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Still it tugs my heart when I found out that 1 year and 2 months later, you're gone. You were only 22.
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May the Lord have mercy, and soothe the hearts of the Robert's family.

 

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

On not apologizing for being myself

0 comments Posted by Dappy at 11:32 PM

Bun and Eunice were here for the weekend so Pris, Cris and I played entertainers. The thing that amazes me about my friends from those days is that how easily we slip back into our normal candor. Friendship shouldn't be too hard.
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In the hypoperfusive state you have cool extremities because whatever blood you have in your body, most is directed away from the skin and to the core organs, to keep you going. I can identify with that. Likewise, whatever energy I have, I spend it on people that matters the most as much as I can. There are so many things going on right now that I don't need. So what if I put my family and the person I'm planning long term commitment with first? I like leaving work at work now, it's good for the heart and it makes me less of an angry person. I like having a life very separate from work. I like the things I'm inclined to do. I'm a stay-home person at heart. I'm happy to be the hand that rocks the cradle. I don't aspire to be great as the cradle that rocks the world. So sue me if I am mediocre.
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I used to feel guilty for spending every weekend at home, but the more I think about it this week, why should I? I spent past weekend barbecuing and going to the beach. Went to pasar malam and tried to bargain with the lady to give us a durian discount. Having family friends over for Sunday lunch. Eating Sunday dinner at the high school best friend's home.
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If it makes me happy, it can't be that bad. I have always been like this. So be happy for me, friend.

 

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